Navigating Anxiety in Kindergarten: A Parent's Comprehensive Guide
The first day of kindergarten marks a monumental experience in a child's life. As parents, we often place significant emphasis on this crucial moment. However, sometimes our expectations of what this day will look like for our child can be upended when they display anxiety and resistance towards attending school. It is entirely common for children, particularly those in kindergarten, to experience anxiety when going to school. Since this is a prevalent concern, there are strategies and plans that can be implemented to help reduce your child's anxiety and ensure a positive kindergarten experience.
Addressing anxiety early in your child's kindergarten school year is of paramount importance. As parents, we sometimes feel overwhelmed and unsure about how to proceed, leading us to hope that the anxiety will dissipate over time. While this may hold true for some children, many kids require additional support to mitigate their anxiety. Dr. Dan Siegel, a prominent psychologist, once said, "You have to name it to tame it." By identifying your child's anxiety and addressing it early, you can reduce their negative school experience and bolster their love for school by following the guidelines outlined below.
Numerous factors can heighten a kindergartener's anxiety about school, including separating from caregivers and parents, adapting to a new environment with unfamiliar faces and routines, and the potential for feeling overstimulated. While some children may adapt within the first few weeks of the school year, what should you do if your child continues to display significant signs of anxiety weeks into the school term? If your child's anxiety remains at a high level approximately 6 to 8 weeks into the school year, it is likely a problematic level of anxiety that requires strategic support.
Identifying Common Triggers
Be a detective and search for clues regarding what might be triggering your child's anxiety. Is it the separation during drop-off? Is it the morning rush and the overwhelming sounds and unknown people on campus? Is it the unfamiliarity of the school routine that heightens their anxiety? Are academic expectations causing distress? Are social conflicts with other children involved? Additionally, consider whether you or your child's other parent had similar school-related anxiety, as sometimes parents project their own anxieties onto their kindergarteners. If that's the case, it's crucial to address your own anxiety first, as research indicates that co-regulation, where a calm parent helps a child stay calm, plays a pivotal role in reducing anxiety.
Open Communication
Remember, there's no "I" in team, and you will need a team to help your child navigate their kindergarten anxiety. School staff can be invaluable resources in assisting your child's successful transition to school. Reach out to your child's teacher, schedule a meeting with them to gain insights into your child's behavior, brainstorm ideas, and formulate a plan of action. Encourage regular communication with the staff to help identify triggers and effective strategies. Follow up with the teacher to gauge progress from their perspective.
Encouraging Your Child to Express Their Feelings
Some of us were raised to suppress our emotions and conform to expectations without discussing our fears or anxiety. However, research has shown that this is not an effective way to reduce anxiety. Engaging in conversations with your child about anxiety, its triggers, and their feelings is essential for them to gain a better understanding of their needs. Unsure of how to initiate this dialogue? Begin with an observation statement about what you've noticed when they are anxious. For instance, "I've observed that when you go to school, you start to cry and hold onto me. It seems like you are anxious to go to class. Anxious means you're very worried. Is that how you feel?"
Active Listening
Listen attentively to your child's response and validate their emotions. It's crucial not to shame children for having their feelings. Instead, explain that you want to help them create a plan to go to school and alleviate their anxiety. Listening entails getting down to your child's eye level, facing them, nodding, summarizing their thoughts, and expressing gratitude for sharing their feelings.
Building Resilience and Teaching Problem-Solving
Once you and your child have identified triggers and defined their anxiety, the next step involves devising a plan to resolve the problem. You can work on problem-solving steps with your child, which include:
Identifying the problem
Generating potential solutions
Selecting the best solution
Checking to see if the problem has been resolved
Parents are encouraged to walk through each of these steps with your child. Sometimes drawing or writing down key words as you go can help them visualize the steps.
Encouraging Positive Self-Talk
Children often engage in negative self-talk when experiencing anxiety, such as "Nobody likes me," "My teacher doesn't want me here," or "I am never going to be good at school." Encourage your child to use positive self-talk, such as "I am making new friends," "My teacher wants to help me," and "I can learn new things." Having your child recite positive affirmations and self-talk daily can help their perspective on school and develop resiliency.
Establishing a Consistent Routine
Anxiety is significantly reduced through consistent routines. If your kindergartener is triggered by the unknown, establish a consistent morning routine and drop-off procedure, so they know exactly what to expect when going to school. Some children may benefit from having a visual checklist or sticker chart detailing the steps to be completed in the morning before going to school. Some children benefit from rehearsing or practicing the routine before it is performed in real time.
Incorporating Relaxation Techniques
Create a calming environment for your child before going to school. This might involve engaging in a mindfulness exercise for a few minutes before leaving for school. Teaching your child relaxation techniques, such as belly breathing, counting to ten slowly, or using box breathing, can help alleviate their anxiety in the moment. Meditation apps like Calm, Headspace or Insight Timer have child meditation options. Youtube has examples of child meditations like Go Noodle’s Flow series and examples of box and belly breathing.
Gradual Exposure and Desensitization
Research indicates that gradually exposing a person to their triggers with support is one of the most effective ways to reduce anxiety. For a kindergartener with anxiety, this may involve having a staff member meet the parent and child at a designated point on campus and then escorting the child to class. Alternatively, the teacher can assign a special job in the classroom for the child upon arrival to motivate them. Additionally, arriving early to school can provide the child with time to adjust to their surroundings. As the child makes progress, you can increase the expectations. Some children may benefit from rewards or positive reinforcement; however, if rewards heighten their anxiety, especially if they don't earn the reward, it may not be the best approach to desensitizing them.
Seeking Professional Help
If you've tried various strategies and your child's anxiety persists, it may be necessary to seek additional resources from mental health professionals. This could involve reaching out to a licensed educational psychologist for parent coaching and child counseling, or consulting with your child's school and pediatrician for further assistance.
By reading this article, you've already taken a significant step towards reducing your child's anxiety. Parenting is one of the most challenging roles you'll ever experience, and every child is unique. However, resources are available to support you on this journey, so you don't have to face it alone. Anxiety in kindergarten is a common issue, and with the right strategies and support, your child can overcome it and thrive.
Meredith Gleason, M.S., NCSP, LEP #3847 Licensed Educational Psychologist/Owner of Empower Child Learning
